Crittenton Goes All In

Once known solely as the first “poo” in the poo poo platter that landed Pau “Coup d’Etat” Gasol in L.A., Wizards PG/pine-rider Javaris Crittenton has recently made a name for himself with an unparalleled display of trash-talking amid a much publicized point ‘n shoot dispute with teammate Gilbert Arenas. Nevermind that Crittenton may or may not have cocked a loaded weapon inside the Verizon Center’s home locker room. We’ve all seen “Above the Rim.” Nevermind that the by-far-bigger story is the possible rejuvenation of the Bullets, er, Wizards franchise via canning Arenas and the rest of his $120 million contract for Leach-ian stupidity. (What’s dumber: locking Craig James’ kid in a tool shed or stashing your arsenal in your place of work? I say toss-up.) We’ve all seen voided salaries. But J.C. Money threatening to shoot poor Gilbert in his bad knee over a delinquent gambling debt? Single greatest instance of off-court smack since ’88, when Larry Legend marched into the All-Star locker room before the three-point contest with balls of steel and the following query:

Who’s finishing second?

I’ll shoot you in your bad knee. Ignore the logic behind the bark. Threatening Hibachi’s good knee probably would have been the more effective play – following through would mean two bad limbs for Agent Zero. That Crittenon, 22, whose single biggest career splash till now was prematurely electing for the draft after a year at Georgia Tech, would go out on a limb (no pun intended) and one-up an entire franchise loaded (again, no pun intended) with head cases and mouth-offs suggests that NBA fans have seriously undervalued this man’s prospects. He has already positioned himself for a sooner-than-he-thinks post-retirement run as an attitude consultant for straight-laced integrity fiends like Deron Williams, Grant Hill and Steve Nash. (Javaris will be joining the prestigious firm of Kemp, Rider and ‘Sheed.) And now Crittenton has gone and spawned the decade’s first worthy pop-culture catch-phrase: gonna pop a cap in your reconstructed ACL. – Robbie

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Crittenton Goes All In

  1. bholt11

    Ladies and gentlemen…the always articulate Mike Miller.

  2. Tim

    Robbie:

    I’ve never blogged but do enjoy reading your comments on Crittenton. Your dad sent me the link and I’m sitting in Jax airport waiting on a delayed connecting flight. I probably won’t comment on anything you write on this site but I will be reading all you write. Also get me your other e-mail.

  3. Pingback: Hits, Fits and Tits: Sports Casualties at 101 « Sports Casualties

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