It seems perfectly ironic that on one of the sporting world’s most dull weekends in recent memory, Sports Casualties had its most glorious weekend. If you have not read the first part of Robbie Hilson’s epic Jersey Shore Farewell series, then seriously, you need to do that immediately.
Anyways, Robbie’s introduction mentioned the Jersey Shore article that I had nearly forgotten that I had written. The article that somehow caught some glitch in Google and helped us triple our readership over the weekend. I’m not saying that I’m now Internet famous or anything, but this morning I got calls for blog collaborations with Tila Tequila and the “My New Haircut” guy, and I’m pretty sure that I saw somebody take a cell phone picture of me today in Turlington Hall. Damn paparazzi! I declined the opportunity to appear in the 2010 All-Star Celebrity Basketball Game. Sports Casualties is far too big to be demeaned to the level of Carrot Top and Frankie Muniz.
In all seriousness, getting a spike in readers over a column that is 11 days old is a result of nothing but random luck. Not to mention the trivial nature that it takes to even consider boasting over having a couple hundred people glance over one’s Web site. However, for those of you who do read, we here at Sports Casualties truly appreciate you. Whether you loyally check the site, or you’re skimming over it from a Google link, please stick around and check out what we have to offer. We work very hard on it, and we do it for you, the reader.
Today, the cast of “Jersey Shore” announced that they will all – yes, even Angelina – be returning for a second season. The second season of “Jersey Shore” will be extremely similar to the first, but will likely involve a change in locale. I am commenting on this because I think that MTV has gotten this “what to do next” scenario all wrong. America has been enthralled by one extreme of human culture for the past few months. Why not expose it to another extreme and set them on a collision course for one another.
That other extreme, you ask? The Southern Greek student. Frat Stars vs. Guidos, let’s do this.
Here is the scenario: take eight of the frattiest college students that you can find – Ole Miss, Georgia, Auburn, I’m looking at you – and send them to their cultural equivalent of the Jersey Shore. My personal favorite option is Charleston, South Carolina. Employ a rather similar show that shows the great contrast between the two lifestyles and then BOOM! Jersey Shore/Charleston Challenge, AKA your new highest rated series ever on MTV. I personally know a number of people who would be more than willing to participate. Shout out to UF Sigma Chi, whose select members may have helped me iron out this idea. You know who you are.
The challenge would be iconic television.
It would be Pauly D, the 28-year-old DJ vs. Brock, the 21-year-old pre-med student.
Ed Hardy and Affliction vs. Polo and Southern Tide.
Ron Ron Juice and vodka vs. Busch Light and bourbon.
Blowouts vs. Bama swoops.
Alternate the two trends. Every other year we get the Shore, every other year we get Charleston. Hell, mix it up and send them to their opposite destinations while watching culture-defying chaos ensue. Hopefully one of our newfound readers is an MTV executive that likes to hand out giant checks to 20-year-old bloggers in exchange for their creative ideas.
In non-relevant news, the 2010 NFL Pro Bowl took place this weekend. I’m still trying to decide which non-existent attempt at a pass rush was my favorite. Seriously, please destroy this game or completely alter it. It is unbearably boring to watch.
Herschel Walker won his MMA debut this weekend. Walker’s split-personality disorder is really getting out of hand as he spoke during the post-fight interview as if he was Evander Holyfield challenging Herschel Walker to a future no-holds-barred street fight. Sounds like a George Washington Duke dream. Only in America!
The Winter X-Games came and went. Shaun White won gold. Go America! On the downside, not one participant in the snowmobile best trick competition was able to land a double-pits-to-chesty, so I therefore declare the entire event a failure.
Stan Holt, former USC basketball student manager and bearer of a kick-ass last name, was fired from his duties after USC lost to Oregon in a game in which he garnered a technical foul for verbally berating an official. USC head coach Kevin O’Neill fired Holt, a USC grad student, immediately after the game concluded. I think that Holt’s antics should be encouraged, not punished. After all, what adds more juice to a season that your team has already forfeitted than a loudmouth water boy? Sports Casualties honors you Mr. Holt. Cheers.
Happy signing day week.