Swimsuits and Comebacks: An Unfocused Look at the Past Week in the World

            

Much like The Undertaker, Bryan Holt has returned.

Because we can’t cover everything, and we don’t work weekends, each Friday, Sports Casualties’ two co-authors will write two seperate reviews of the past week. These startling pieces of immediate nostalgia will cover whatever topics the writers care to include. Consider this a wallet-sized picture that you can carry with you the entire weekend to hold yourself over until Monday when we will be back and better than ever.

Okay, so it has only been roughly four days since I last wrote, but it felt like an eternity. Since Monday, I have been forced to sparsely follow the world of sports and left with no time to express on here my thoughts on the sports that I have gotten to view.

The culprit? School. This week, my mind has been wrapped around mortgage foreclosures and Florida Historical Quarterlies instead of ESPN, a despicable tragedy. So it is with great pleasure that I give to you my rambling thoughts on the week that wasn’t.

Co-author Robbie Hilson cut me deep when he took a swipe at Vince Carter in this week’s Roundball Roundup. Carter has become an easy target over the years, but my loyalties to Vinsanity were embedded at an early age. There is a pretty simple reason why Robbie is the one who writes the Roundball Roundup. I don’t care for the NBA.

However, there was a brief period where the NBA was amongst my favorite things to watch. That period was middle school, and it was strictly because of Vince Carter and his Toronto Raptors (paired with my hatred for Allen Iverson and his Philadelphia 76ers). Carter had everything as an athlete that could possibly win over my fandom. He was clean-cut and professional, a stark contrast to the “So Hood” 76ers. He had an electric style of play that was coupled with a strangely reserved demeanor. He had the shoes that were so ugly that they were cool, an appealing feature for a kid in sixth grade. He was from Florida.

Hideous, but necessary.

On Monday, Carter scored 48 points against the Milwaukee Bucks. Some have jokes, I have excitement. Welcome back, Vince.

Former Dallas Mavericks coach Avery Johnson made the news this week when it was discovered that he had been a motivational speaker for the Saints throughout their Super Bowl season. This will likely create a market for rejected NBA coaches on the NFL circuit. Here’s to the Lions going after Isiah Thomas.

The Nets garnered an announced crowd of just 1,016 fans on Wednesday night for their game against the Bucks. In unrelated news, a blizzard hit the Northeast this week.

Super Bowl XLIV was the highest rated program in American television history. The game beat out the final episode of “Mash” and late night re-runs of “American Gladiators.” Wait, am I really the only one that watches those?

Swimsuit model and occasional best female skier in American history, Lindsey Vonn, revealed this week that she has a shin injury that she had been keeping secret. Her status for the upcoming Winter Olympics is questionable. Tonya Harding strikes again.

Lindsey Vonn, Olympic great.

Be sure to regularly check in on Sports Casualties, your Winter Olympics headquarters, beginning on Monday.

Sticking with the glamour model industry, Go Daddy Girl and occasional race car driver Danica Patrick made her stock car debut last Saturday in an ARCA race, and will debut in the NASCAR Nationwide Series on Saturday at Daytona. That’s one less driver that NASCAR has to worry about going after its trophy girls.

“American Idol” has a new cast member that is much more likely to be an aggressor of NASCAR trophy girls. Comedian and well-know ladies woman Ellen DeGeneres has many scratching their heads with her new position as a critic on Fox’s wondershow. Sources are saying that Ryan Seacrest is inspired by Ellen’s enthusiasm about a job she has no credentials for, and is in the process of signing on to be a trainer in next season’s “Ultimate Fighter.”

A former Hollywood madam told “Inside Edition” that she supplied girls on numerous occasions for Tiger Woods. She did have a comforting message for Woods’ wife Elin.

“He was not in love with another woman. It was just sex,” assured the lady saleswoman. What a relief, all this time we thought Tiger was taking these women on beautiful, extravagant dates.

Drew Brees added cheerleader to his increasing number of titles in a New Orleans bar shortly after the conclusion of the Saints’ victory parade. Go team, go!

AND NOW…(drum roll)

WHY I HAVE WRITER’S BLOCK: The Never-Ending Saga

In no specific order, and with no real explanation, this is my weekly look at some of the things that kept me distracted while I was trying to write.

Money, Money, Money, Money, Money

Wednesday was a good mail day.

 

"Gator Nation" beat me up this week.

What to Watch on Television this Weekend

Because although we live in a country where we are free to watch whatever we want, deep down inside we still want people to tell us what to watch.

NASCAR Camping World Truck Series NextEra Energy Resources 250 – Friday, 7:30 P.M. – Speed Channel

Yes, I’m looking forward to the Winter Olympics as well, but the Opening Ceremonies won’t compare in any way to the Beijing edition (due to labor laws and permitted bathroom breaks), so why watch? Instead give the truck series a try. What is the casual fans’ favorite part of racing? Wrecks, of course. Trucks wreck a lot and have thrilling finishes. Check it out.

Xavier vs. Florida – Saturday, 6 P.M. – ESPN

Look for me on TV! Yay!

NBA All-Star Saturday Night – Saturday, 8 P.M. – TNT

While I am not much of an NBA fan, they definitely put together one of the better All-Star events (I still think that baseball’s is better). To me, Saturday night is always the highlight, and I think that it is a shame that this portion of the weekend will not take place inside the Jerry Jones Palace.

52nd Daytona 500 – Sunday, 1 P.M. – FOX

This kind of dates back to my reason for watching the Super Bowl. Watch this or else you deserve to be black-listed from employment lists and sent to live in communist suspect camps.

2010 NBA All-Star Game – Sunday, 7 P.M. – TNT

Tune in for a second, see what a basketball court looks like in the Jones Palace and then move on with your evening.

Have a lawless weekend.

-Bryan

Advertisements

2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

2 responses to “Swimsuits and Comebacks: An Unfocused Look at the Past Week in the World

  1. Pingback: “Michelle Obama” and Other Google Trends: The Week in Review, Redux « Sports Casualties

  2. “Memorable.” “Masterful.” “Visionary.” These are all words I would use to describe the return of Bryan Holt… By all accounts, a more successful comeback than Frank Viola.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s