NASCAR on Snow: Day Four of the Winter Olympics

Men's figure skating: Totally a masculine sport

This morning I woke up to the conclusion of the now 17-hour long NBC “Today Show.” Yes, I am that dedicated to bringing you every possible aspect of Winter Olympics coverage, but no, I am not willing to wake up early to do it.

As “Today” faded off the air, I decided to stay tuned for the ensuing Rachael Ray show. Now this was not solely due to Ray’s housewife good looks, but also because the show was advertising a “normal girl” makeover to the ladies of “Jersey Shore.” If you know anything about Sports Casualties, you know that this is a television experience that I could not pass up. After all, these ladies are indirectly a primary reason for our site’s success and it would be near blasphemy to turn our backs on them now.

Cook, Glamour Model, Jersey Shore Visionary

However, what caught my attention most during the Rachael Ray entertainment hour was a commercial for today’s coverage of the Winter Olympics. “It’s NASCAR on snow,” said a heavenly voice from 30 Rock.

You have my attention.

Insert NASCAR here?

The promotional spot was for snowboard cross, an event that will take place during today’s afternoon portion of the winter games. Call me a sucker for effective marketing, but I will be watching as much of this wonderful event as I can before Bourbon Era Florida History takes over my life for the day. NASCAR on snow? No wonder the U.S. is so good at snowboarding events.

Figure skating began yesterday and Sports Casualties could not be more torn. At one end of the spectrum, figure skating brings us elegant, graceful beauties like Tanith Belbin. However, there are also figure skaters like say, Johnny Weir, who don’t exactly ooze that masculine toughness that we look for in our athletes. Cute girls in intricate outfits? Awesome. Dudes in similar glittery and intricate outfits? Not so awesome.

Sasha Cohen: Fallen hero of the good half of figure skating

If Weir’s name sounds familiar it’s because he is the ultra-flamboyant skater that traditional sports anchors (and pretty much everyone else) are struggling to understand. He also made the news on Sunday for death threats that have been made against him from anti-fur groups. You see, Mr. Weir likes to wear outfits that are not only glittery, but also covered by animal fur. He has also been known to wear throwback Soviet warm-ups in place of the standard warm-up that he is given (he is American).

It may almost be insulting to our intelligence for Weir to have to tell us that he, uhm, let’s see, doesn’t like girls. However, Weir is keeping the worst-hidden secret a secret nonetheless.

“There are some things I keep sacred,” said the ice dancing semi-man. “My middle name, who I sleep with and what kind of hand moisturizer I use.”

Moving on.

While it was a lighter load, Sunday was a day of firsts for the Americans and the Canadians.

Alexandre Bilodeau became the first Canadian to ever win a gold medal on Canadian soil when he took gold in the men’s moguls competition. Moguls, also known as my new favorite winter sport.

American Johnny Spillane became the first U.S. athlete ever to medal in the nordic combine, an event that has been in the Winter Olympics for 86 years. The nordic combine is an event that mixes ski jumping with a cross country ski race. The ski jumping is something that I particularly enjoy because it is one of those sports that becomes easy to backseat drive after a couple of minutes of watching it.

Pitiful Form

“This guy doesn’t lean far enough forward.”

“This dude has terrible form.”

It doesn’t matter that these guys have been training for this their entire lives, and you watch it every four years. Expertise comes easy, so I say judge on Olympic viewers.

Also, events on tap for today include men’s downhill skiing and a number of snowboard competitions.

Happy winter…from Florida.

-Bryan

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