Baseball and Mother Canuckers: An Unfocused Look at the Past Week in the World

What I woke up to this morning.

Because we can’t cover everything, and we don’t work weekends, each Friday, Sports Casualties’ two co-authors will write two separate reviews of the past week. These startling pieces of immediate nostalgia will cover whatever topics the writers care to include. To read Robbie Hilson’s commentary of the week, click here, or as our Canadian friends would say, “JUST SCROLL DOWN YOU LAZY FAT-ASS AMERICAN!” Let’s do this.

Yes, for those of you who are site regulars, today is a bit of a criss-cross from the usual. Today, I take sloppy seconds in the realm of SC immediate nostalgia and have the late afternoon/early evening shift in writing my irreverent thoughts on the week that was.

To those of you who are new to the site (read: Canadians), I would like to introduce myself. My name is Bryan Holt, and I am the one that is not so quick to apologize. When faced with Robbie’s “should I apologize” text this morning, my actual response may or may not have included the words “let’s just start a war.” My raw emotion has slightly faded since then.

Proud Canuck Bryan Adams is surely not pleased with SC.

This morning I awoke to a message of how our humble little blog had hit a readership explosion. To give you a clue of where this site stands, this was our biggest news since a Google glitch made us the go-to locale for “Jersey Shore” coverage. To say the least, I was thrilled. I then went to our page via iPhone and learned that not only do Canadians have little comprehension for sarcasm and exaggeration, but they also can be much more viscous than their adorable redcoated national police force would have you believe.

On Thursday, I made some jokingly anti-Canada comments in my Winter Olympic coverage which is meant to be slightly informative but primarily comical. In other news, this week I have also compared the Russian women’s hockey team to Ivan Drago, and likened Mike Vick to Johnny Weir. In other words, this site is admittedly not exactly the PBS “Newshour.”

Robbie likely fed off of the mood that some of these comments had spawned when he wrote the NBA trade column that turned SC into an absolute feeding frenzy. The response were comments that included the following:

  • “The arrogant, ignorant, fat-ass American Empire will fall hard and fast and the rest of the world not only won’t give a rats ass about it, some will be quite thrilled.” (That one is a little creepy)
  • “Your blog sucks.” (Thanks for the thorough feedback!)
  • “You’re probably overweight.” (Alright, that one hurt a little bit)

We are a simple-minded sports commentary blog. We don’t pretend to be objective or too painfully serious about our delivery. We are simply here to entertain and air our thoughts. Instead of allowing myself to create a continuation of this ordeal, I will simply thank you all for reading and allow the one and only Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to tell you exactly who we are.

On Wednesday, it was announced that Florida Gators running back Chris Rainey will be taking over current Minnesota Viking great Percy Harvin’s place on the 2010 Gators squad. If Rainey is going to do an efficient job, this likely will lead to perpetual migraines and gratuitous marijuana use. In the words of the third-person reference king himself, “damn, it’s good to be Chris Rainey!”

Thursday was the day that we have all been waiting for. To break up the monotony of basketball, pitchers and catchers reported to camp. “Baseball Tonight” is back on the air, the spring training stadiums are ready for migrant baseball fans and John Kruk looks sloppier than ever. Welcome back, baseball.

In politics, Senator Evan Bayh (D-IN) announced on Monday that he will not be seeking reelection. Bayh credits partisan politics, and a growing embarrassment that he represents the same country as snowboarder Lindsey Jacobellis, as his reasons for becoming disgusted with his position.

We joke because we care, Lindsey.

Continuing with the winter games, Hannah Teter further won over the hearts of SC when she resorted to use of the SC battle cry before her final run. “Let’s do this,” Teter said. Although the silver medal performance that followed was a bit disappointing, it was nice to see that Teter has SC in mind at all times.

"Let's do this." Gnarly.

To comment on a brief thing that garnered my attention during last night’s women’s halfpipe snowboarding competition, the iPods make for an interesting pre-run routine. It seemed that everytime someone was about to drop in, they were seen frantically searching through their iPod for the appropriate song selection. For those of you who have been in a hurry to find the right song via mp3 player, you know how stressful and frantic this process can be. Do snowboarders really not know what song that they want to ride along with before the very last second, or is this simply the snowboarding version of Derek Jeter fixing his gloves before an at-bat?

One thing is for certain, America can do without the pre-run singing that snowboarder Kelly Clark made a personal tradition. Announcers called her antics “Kelly Karaoke,” but I’m referring to it as “Death by Sing-A-Long.”

In concluding news, Tiger Woods can read.

Hip Hop Gold

As much as I hate to agree with the demonic Stephen A. Smith on the most over-analyzed 13 mintues in the history of sports, Woods’ lectern performance was pathetic this morning. He seemed to almost be sarcastic in his presentation. However, I do agree with him on his numerous points about privacy. I do not agree with the writers who complained about not being able to ask questions at the event. There are events where athletes are bound by rules to answer questions. This was not one of them. Get over it.

AND NOW…(drum roll)

WHY I HAVE WRITER’S BLOCK: The Never-Ending Saga

In no specific order, and with no real explanation, this is my weekly look at some of the things that kept me distracted while I was trying to write.

See! The Canadians started it…

Self-explanatory. WARNING: Some Mature Language

What to Watch on Television this Weekend

Because although we live in a country where we are free to watch whatever we want, deep down inside we still want people to tell us what to watch.

Winter Olympics – Every channel with any form of a relation to NBC – All Weekend

Short and simple this week. Watch the Olympics. Watch them all day. Enjoy.

Have a victorious (Read: American) weekend.

-Bryan

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Baseball and Mother Canuckers: An Unfocused Look at the Past Week in the World

  1. Pingback: “Angry Canadians” and Other Google Trends: The Week in Review, Redux « Sports Casualties

  2. Pingback: About Damn Time for Some Hockey: Russia-Czech Republic « Sports Casualties

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