If At First You Don’t Succeed… You Are Not Tim Tebow

Check out Tebowisms.net for more hilarity, but read this post first. Tebow commands it.

ESPN’s Adam Schefter is at it again, this time breaking the news that University of Florida alum Tim Tebow is a hard worker.

Great job by you, Scheftie.

Now usually I wouldn’t give Chris Mortensen’s spiritual offspring the time of day – even though we shamelessly follow him on Twitter – but it feels necessary to talk about football today for two reasons, neither of them especially good.

First, a 1938 edition of Action Comics’ No. 1 sold for a record $1 million on Monday. If you know anything about comic books (read: live with your mother), you know that Action Comics’ No. 1 is the first mag to feature The Man of Steel Himself. So Gainesville’s own Superman, Tebow, seems due for a little hometown love. You could say the stars are aligned.

Second, and of far less importance – because only a freaking moron would believe that Timmy was satisfied with his crappy delivery and popping Bon Bons pre-Pro Day – Schefter reported on ESPN that the greatest competitor in the history of college football is attempting to improve both his footwork and throwing motion.

In a word, shocker. 

Nevertheless, being a proud Gator myself, I was mildly relieved to “learn” that Tebow was indeed working to improve his gimpy mechanics (and again, if I had stopped to think about it for just a second, I would have reached the conclusion that, yes, Tebow is probably trying to raise his draft stock).

Tebow, Pre Making Self More Awesome

Why is he doing this? Well I don’t know about you, but when I first heard that Tebow would appear in his now infamously non-infamous, half-minute Super Bowl spot, I just thought, “Well, hell, he’s got 30 seconds. He’ll probably just perform a five-step drop and that’ll be that.”

Of course, Tim tackled his mom instead in a Focus on the Family ad, which is ironic because all those West Coast teams that value a quick delivery in the first place… um, let’s just say they’re not necessarily Focus on the Family folk.

But this is neither here nor there. Point is, Tebow has – or had, depending on how much you believe his coaches – a gaping loop in his passing motion, which exposed him in the Senior Bowl when, deathly ill, he coughed up both two fumbles and a lung.

Turns out that these kinds of things happen when you instinctively swoop the football to your waist every time you drop back to pass.

As Urban Meyer and every NFL defensive end might say, “Hey, works for me!”

Much like cars look both ways when Tim crosses the street and hostile alien races refuse to attack Earth when he is on it, The Perfect Release offered to conform to Tim’s motion out of deference and a healthy fear.

But Fifteen said no.

In the beginning...

So now Mel Kiper’s worst dream is coming to fruition: Heisman has yet again snapped into Serengeti Mode and turned hell-bent on setting fire to every pro scout’s preconceived notions and each clipboard criticism.

He’ll do so under the tutelage of, among others, former NFL head coach Sam Wyche and former OC Zeke Bratkowski, who told Schefter, “You’re not looking at the same quarterback… He doesn’t have rabbit ears, but he knows what people are saying and he hears it — and that motivates him.”

Don’t lie, you just got a little chill.

For ESPN’s part, its cameras spotted RoboTim in a Nashville practice facility looking very much like the lovechild of Mad Max and the Terminator, throwing frozen ropes to a few happy-to-be-there white dudes.  

He held the ball higher and whipped passes at ear-level. He took to the three and five-step drops like a Russian ballerina, and rocked badass Under Armour garb all the while. He was protecting this house, but, really, nobody was gonna mess with the house with Tim around anyway.

Quite frankly, the WARdrobe alone should secure him a second round spot. And if you have to ask, the answer is yes – I have tickets to the gun show.

Look, I’m no Kool-Aid slurper, contrary to what the last ten or so paragraphs would have you believe. Tebow’s 6-week makeover has no chance in hell of immediately translating to the pro game.

These new and improved movements have a way of crapping out when faced with 320-pound human battering rams, and if the transition was so easy, Urban Legend would’ve done the job already.

It’s going to take time, but hey, time is all backup quarterbacks got. Are you telling me that Timmy can’t run the wildcat behind David Garrard for two years? If you thought Drew Brees’ savior turn was epic, wait until Tebow The Third Year Starter singlehandedly preempts the Jags’ move to the English Premier League.

I’ll briefly caution, though, that similar, less-hyped stories, surfaced about Alpha-‘Cane Ken Dorsey’s pre-draft workouts – he’d bulked up and become something of a Frankenstein with the right arm of Vinny Testerverde.

Kenny is a high school football coach these days.

But here’s what’s going to pay off for Tebow in the long run. Scouts and coaches will soon find out, if they haven’t already, that you can’t tell Tim to run through a wall… because he will actually try to do it, and even then, you’d only give the wall 3 to 1 odds.

“With continued work, I will have this down pat by minicamp. It will be like second nature. It’s not like it feels awkward to me now. I’m excited about the changes I’ve made,” Tebow told Scheftie.

That the kid actually thinks he can erase a lifetime of bad habits in 2 months is what makes him special.

Scheftie’s little no-news story tells all potential suitors what they should have known in the first place. Tim will do anything to get better. And should you pass on him, should you chicken out, should you heed the naysayers, he absolutely will make you pay.

– Robbie


Filed under Uncategorized

2 responses to “If At First You Don’t Succeed… You Are Not Tim Tebow

  1. Jonathan

    Nice – great finish, and spot on. I just wonder how you instill that in a kid. His drive is incredible!

    • Thank you, sir. I hope Stephen Morris has a little Tebow in him… Btw, you kill me with those Shannon interviews. You can knock the guy if you want, but you gotta admit, he’s a source of high comedy.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s