Hits, Fits and Tits: Sports Casualties at 101

 

Two of our favorites here to help us celebrate.

In honor of our 101st post, Sports Casualties would like to commemorate this blog’s march to triple digits in the only way we know possible – with self-congratulations and sordid humor. We’d like to sincerely thank those of you who’ve been with us since our first 20-hit week. Your active readership means the world to us and we’ll be sure to remember you when we’re famous. For those of you who have just recently come aboard, we’d like to say welcome… and what the hell took so long? And now, because we’ve never been ones for smooth transitions, we’re going to dive right into this little three-month overview with three words that have carried us this far.

Kate. Lost. Hot. I mean…

Let’s do this.

Top Posts

The following were ranked based on number of hits and overall cultural impact.

1) Jersey Shore: A Sports Celebration: 2,211 hits… A post so groundbreaking that it spun off two more posts and an entire reality TV show.

What we said: “Much like a Seaside Heights boardwalk brawl, there are no rules or regulations here. Teams from every sport, college or professional, are eligible for an eternally embarrassing connection to one of the most famous guidos or guidettes in the world.” ~ Bryan, from original post

“The Snooky/FIU comparison was a stroke of genius (especially since I was fully expecting Rudy T), and I have to say, this column completely wasted an hour of time. Five to read it – not a waste – 55 deciding whether Angelina was Koufax, Len Bias, Bill Walton or Daryl Strawberry.” ~ Robbie

What you said: “Gators wear jean shorts and Situation loves GTL… The facts of life.” ~ Bradley Crone, Casualtist

2) Jamison to Cavs and Other Madness: A Final Dispatch from the NBA Trade Post: 221 hits… A post that True Hoops blogger Scott Phillips stumbled upon while aggregating blurbs from legitimate news organizations. Oops. All hell broke loose in the wee morning hours as Canadians everywhere proved that they, too, can lose their collective s***.

What we said: “For his part, Colangelo thinks the Raptors have more than the shot I give them to resign Bosh. I give them a shot in hell. The Raptors will essentially let walk one of the premier all-around forwards in basketball – this after they spent about $50 million on Hedu Turkoglu. The lesson here as always: Canada sucks.” ~ Robbie, from original post

“Congrats on our first 300-hits day. ‘Canada sucks’ may be the most effective words that you have ever written.” ~ Bryan

What you said: “Well judging by your lack of hits, I’d say your website sucks. I’d also say you’re a typical American who lives in a bubble and thinks your tanking economy and embarrassing political system makes anyone outside of the USA jealous. But yeah, man do I ever wish I could move to Detroit or Milwaukee!” ~ Dan, from Canada

“‘The lesson here is Canada sucks?’ How about the lesson here is ‘the arrogant, ignorant, fat-ass American Empire will fall hard and fast and the rest of the world not only won’t give a rats ass about it, some will be quite thrilled.'” ~ Doug, from Canada

3) “Lost”: Season 6, Episode 4 Recap: 1,160 hits… So two out of SC’s top three posts are are primarily based around television shows. I’m not sure what this says about our potential as sportswriters. Regardless, Robbie’s ability to discuss “Lost” by relating the show to sports made this column enjoyable for even the most novice of “Lost” amateurs (read: Bryan Holt).

What we said: “Danny Ferry has heeded my cries. Jamison to the Cavs. Lindsey Vonn picks up her first Olympic gold medal. Lindsey Vonn is way hot. Now let’s talk ‘Lost.'” ~ Robbie, from original post.

“I decided before I ever watched an episode of ‘Lost’ that I’m not smart enough to watch it.” ~ Bryan

What you said: “I know this is stalkerish, but are you the one who writes the ‘Lost’ recaps?” ~ Attractive Blonde Casualtist to Robbie at a bar

Evangeline Lilly: The inspiration behind Kate Lost Hot.

4) An Olympic Masterpiece: 27 hits… Just when you thought we were unlikeable egomaniacs, Bryan wrote this. There is plenty of joking and sarcasm to spare at SC, but stories like the one of Joannie Rochette are what make sports great. As this is is being written, 2,184 more people have read Bryan’s “Jersey Shore” post than his column depicting Rochette. However, there isn’t any question at all of which column was more rewarding for him to write.

What we said: “Therese Rochette passed away on Sunday. On Tuesday night, her daughter captivated the world.” ~ Bryan, from original post

“I did not know you had this in you. Strong work.” ~ Robbie

What you said: “Anyone who watched that and didn’t at least fight back a tear doesn’t have a soul.” ~ Charlie Johnson, Casualtist

“You wrote something nice for once.” ~ Bryan’s mom.

5) Crittenton Goes All In: 12 hits… And so it all began. The initial idea for SC was built in the strenuous confines of a University of Florida reporting lab. With these 330 words, SC went from being a discussion to ease nerves before an early morning in-class writing assignment to a reality. We’ve progressively gotten wordier and more arrogant ever since.

What we said: “And now Crittenton has gone and spawned the decade’s first worthy pop-culture catch-phrase: gonna pop a cap in your reconstructed ACL.” ~ Robbie, from original post

“Ladies and gentlemen…the always articulate Mike Miller.” ~ Bryan

What you said: “I’ve never blogged but do enjoy reading your comments on Crittenton.” ~ Tim Schaffer, Casualtist

SC Loves… Our Favorite Athletes/Teams/People/Search Terms

Because if there’s one thing that we don’t take part in here at SC, it’s objectivity. Here’s some of the people that it’s hardest to discuss fairly.

LeBron James: Simply put, he’s the man. The King is often the primary subject of Robbie’s “Roundball Roundup” posts, and even causes Bryan to take notice of the NBA from time to time.

Juice Hellmanns: For those of you new to the site, this is how we refer to The Artist Formerly Known as O.J. Mayo. Get used to it… It will help you understand our Twitter page.

Tiger Woods: When the rest of the world turned its back on The Promiscuous One, SC continued to ride out the storm. We don’t care what insults people throw around about Tiger these days. He is the best golfer in the world, and we will treat him as such.

Florida Gators/Tim Tebow: Both of SC’s co-authors reside in Gainesville, Florida. Both typically enjoy living in Gainesville and would like things to remain that way. Therefore, this is a given.

Tim Tebow on his way to a dry after-party

Bill Simmons: It doesn’t take much time researching SC to see that “The Sports Guy” is one of our larger influences. Love it or hate it, his career has opened up a new aspirable writing style for young bloviators everywhere. Robbie is 587 pages through “The Book of Basketball” at the time of writing, a fact that haunts his Research Methods grades. Bryan wants his own podcast.

Braves Baseball/Jason Heyward (Robbie): This bias, along with the next, will be heavily showcased during the summer months. Expect to see plenty about both of these entities from Robbie as the dog days approach.

Rays Baseball (Bryan): A Tampa native, Bryan will seldom turn down an opportunity to discuss his favorite hometown teams. This will all come to a catastrophic clash on June 15-18 when the Braves and Rays meet in Interleague Play.

USF Bulls (Bryan): As corny and cliche as this sounds, watching USF athletics grow has been like watching a child mature for Bryan. Few things bring more personal joy than when USF succeeds in something on the field or court. Expect many a Skip Holtz feature when the fall arrives.

Miami Hurricanes (Robbie): Robbie wakes up next to a picture of his parents on his nightstand. He’s then greeted by a picture of himself with a young Andre Johnson above the refrigerator. ‘Canes posts are really just an opportunity for him to get everyone involved.

The SC 101 Awards

The Trophy: Beats the hell out of an Oscar. Available at your local liquor store.

Recognizing other highlights of our first 101 posts.

Best Tweets: “The mohawked guard has to be the modern day Jim McMahon of BYU Athletics. No way that dude is sticking to the celibacy contract.” ~ Bryan, 1:59 p.m. March 18

“Once you go black, you never go back… Either ESPN’s new motto or my cable provider sucks.” ~ Robbie, 9:50 a.m. March 18

Most Loyal Casualtist: In our typically indecisive nature, we’ve decided that we simply cannot pick one and will instead use this award as a brief “thank you” note. We never got to be rock stars, so look at this like the inside of our album cover.

Bryan: I’ll try to keep this brief. [Pulls out crumpled acceptance speech notes] First and foremost, my loyalty award goes to my family. Mom, Dad, Bulldog, Grandpa, Shirley, Dave, Aunt Susan, Jen, all of you who read the site. I know on the days when 20 people were reading, you guys probably made up 15 of them. Special thanks to my mom for refraining from telling me that my content is rude on too regular of a basis. Also, to all of my personal friends that read regularly, thank you. Corey, Jon, Troy, Jared, Rufus, all of my buddies in Knoxville (Jared Jonas, Chase Woodfin, Brad Crone, etc.) and way too many more to name. You all give us motivation to write for SC. Thanks.

Robbie: I’m not sure if my mom actually reads posts, but she loves me enough to click on extra links when we’re having a down hits day. Thanks, mom. And to my father, who follows every word despite his company-issued BlackBerry blocking our site: this is the main reason I sold all of my Research in Motion stock. Also, you’re the best. I truly hope that your retirement dreams of smoking pork butt in Coral Gables materialize. Last I checked, “QbyTheU” was an available domain name. My offers to blog about barbeque and run the front of the house still stand. To the tipsy Casualtists I see downtown: I love all of you. You have no idea what those off-handed SC remarks that you will not remember in the morning do for my confidence. And finally, to fellow blogger Kyle Rancourt who wrote this about us: If Bryan’s vision of creating a blogging Rat Pack ever comes to fruition, the Sinatra and Sammy Davis roles have been filled, but you can be our Peter Lawford.

Until 202,

Bryan and Robbie

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “Hits, Fits and Tits: Sports Casualties at 101

  1. Kyle

    I am humbled by the recognition. As JFK once dubbed him, “Brother-in-Lawson” would be a sweet ass gig, if you ask me. Anything that allows us to drink whiskey at 11am without being seen as degenerates, I’m all for.

    My buddy is in the Air Force and stationed in Fort Walton Beach. My girlfriend and I were in talks with them about planning a trip out there and possibly catching a Gators football game, since his girlfriend is a huge fan. So, perhaps should that ever come to fruition, drink whiskey at 11am we shall.

    Keep up the good work, fellas.

    • Your pop-culture sensibilities never cease to amaze, and we figured after your sex, drugs and SC tweet, your inclusion in 101 was a must. Good luck trying to score Swamp tix… If you ever make it down to Gainesville, drinks are on me.

      ~ Robbie

  2. QbytheU

    I am honored and look forward to (1) reading every word until the 104 (2) meeting Mr. Holt and (3) hosting a throwdown with Bobby Flay at the QbytheU.

  3. Pingback: 21 and 101: An Unfocused Look at the Past Week in the World « Sports Casualties

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