Like Tebowisms, except better.
- At 6’5″, 245, Jason Heyward has surprisingly never hit a home run before. However, many a fastball have stopped dead in their tracks and run 450 feet in the other direction out of sheer terror.
- In November of 1989, two Dartmouth graduates wrestled a baby boy from a vicious pack of wolves. They called their new prize “Jason.”
- Long Branch, NJ native Bruce Springsteen still calls himself “The Boss,” but checks in with Ridgewood’s Heyward every so often to make sure it’s okay.
- Eventually chosen as Baseball America and USA Today’s 2009 Minor League Player of the Year, Heyward struggled to impress scouts at first because they confused him with a bird, then a plane.
- After Jason smashed the roof of his luxury car with a towering BP shot in Spring ’10, Braves assistant GM Bruce Manno almost confronted the right fielder before thinking to himself, “Nobody’s ever gone manno-a-Heyward.”
- Sporting jersey No. 71 during spring training, Heyward settled for new No. 22 when numbers 23 through 70 said, “No thanks. I don’t wanna have to live up to that.”
- Jason Heyward was born August 9, 1989… 7,021 days later, the Philadelphia Phillies captured their second and final World Series title.
- Though only 20 years-old, Jason Heyward rarely gets carded. But when he does, he pulls out the only known copy of his Donruss Elite Status Auto.
- A strapping lefty, Jason Heyward does not know the meaning of “opposite field power.” In the eyes of Heyward, all power is equal.
- It took Jason Heyward a grand total of 238 minor league games to reach the Big Leagues. It would have been sooner if not for the 238-game quota.
- Bryan Holt extra: Raised a Yankees fan, Heyward decided that he did not want to play for his childhood heroes when they told him he could not have his very own Monument Park.
- Billy Corgan extra: I once sang, “I fear that I am ordinary, just like everyone.” Jason Heyward can’t relate.
Suggestions welcomed. The best will be added.