Tim Tebow and Tim Tebow: An Unfocused Look at the Past Week in the World

Excuse me while...I...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Because we can’t cover everything, and we don’t work weekends, each Friday, Sports Casualties’ two co-authors will write two separate reviews of the past week. These startling pieces of immediate nostalgia will cover whatever topics the writers care to include. Consider this a wallet-sized picture that you can carry with you the entire weekend to hold yourself over until Monday when we will be back and better than ever.

False alarm last week. This will actually be my final Week in Review column written from the friendly confines of my Gainesville apartment. Everything I have is now stuffed into a small square in the middle of my living room. The walls are now bare, making a once cozy abode look like an insane asylum.

It has been a rather dull week. The miserable nature of final exams gave way to an awkward freedom that I was not quite sure how to receive. Most importantly, the NFL Draft began last night giving the sports portion of my brain (roughly 92 percent) meaning again.

Plenty to discuss. Let’s do this.

Yes, the first round of the 2010 NFL Draft took place on Thursday night, and for once, I have no complaints. I’m not sure if I could have scripted a first round any more perfectly. Well, I could have, but it would have involved the Bucs invading Detroit and forcefully kidnapping Ndamukong Suh.

But aside from that, as a loyal Bucs fan, I was happy to finally see them make a smart draft pick and bring in DT Gerald McCoy. Seeing him get drafted was awesome. You could just tell how much it meant to him. He also is already proving his worth as a press conference quote machine. When asked by a sportswriter if he planned to take it easy on former teammate Sam Bradford in the pros, McCoy quickly responded, “No, he’s gonna get killed.”

Welcome to Tampa, Gerald.

To continue the awesomeness of the 2010 draft, Joe Haden was taken with the seventh pick, Jason Pierre-Paul is now a first-rounder after only seven games of major college football and Jimmy Clausen will never be drafted, ever.

Yes, Clausen was completely snubbed by the first round which made me extremely happy. For those of us who have hated Clausen ever since we first saw him take a snap on ESPN as a senior in high school, this was a rewarding moment. Even more rewarding was watching Mel Kiper, Jr., known to some as the Antichrist, bitterly piss and moan the entire night about Clausen.

Kiper had Clausen ranked as the fourth best overall player in the draft on his all-powerful “Big Board.” The Big Board is never wrong. Whenever a team makes a pick that doesn’t agree with Kiper’s Big Board, it almost always initiates verbal tears from Kiper until the next pick is made. “What are they doing? Don’t they know I’m always right? AAAGGGGHHHH!!!”

So you can bet that the Kiper shot daggers full of piss and vinegar when my personal favorite moment of the first round occurred, “With the 25th pick in the 2010 NFL Draft, the Denver Broncos select…Tim Tebow, QB from the University of Florida.”

But he’s a third rounder at best, but he has bad mechanics, but he’s unproven under center, but he doesn’t curse and I can’t trust a man that doesn’t curse. But, but, but. Nobody cares, Mel.

I usually try and keep my status as a student at UF and a life-long Gator fan somewhat subdued when writing on SC, but I admittedly went nuts when this pick was made. There’s so much bitterness toward Tebow that I’ve never been able to understand. Yes, he gets tons of media coverage, and yes, he has the kind of flawless persona that makes cynics want him to screw up. But he’s real. He smiles, he prays, he cries, he wins.

And he could probably play through a light sprain in a championship game, just saying.

In my opinion, last night came down to intangibles and character, the two things that score highest on the Tebow draft resume. If Tebow was a slouch that got in trouble off the field or didn’t play with some of the wildest tenacity that the game has ever seen, he likely would have been a third-rounder, tops. But he isn’t. He’s Tim Tebow, one of the greatest and most intriguing college football players of all time. And he is the second highest quarterback taken in the 2010 NFL Draft.

Congrats, Denver. You just got this (and a giant new fanbase in Florida).

I was planning on doing a rant on how many terrible cities there are in the NFL, but I’ve gone long enough on the draft. Consider this marketing for a post to be written next week.

The Yankees turned their first triple play since 1968 on Thursday in a loss to the Oakland A’s. Well, let me rephrase that. Their first triple play that didn’t involve Alex Rodriguez and two middle-aged women.

Speaking of A-Rod, he got into a bit of a verbal boxing match in Thursday’s game with A’s pitcher Dallas Braden when he trotted across the pitcher’s mound on his way back to first after a foul ball. Cameras clearly picked up Braden telling Rodriguez to “Get the f**k off my mound.” He would later say that A-Rod was “too busy tasting himself to apologize.”

Cheers to you, Dallas Braden. SC salutes you.

In other Thursday baseball news, the Brewers beat the Pirates 20-0 Thursday afternoon to close out a sweep at PNC Park. And no, I did absolutely not write a column during spring training saying that Lastings Milledge and the Pirates could be tough this year…

Speaking of revealing previously subdued fanhood, Steve Spurrier celebrated his 65th birthday on Tuesday. Happy birthday to the Ole’ Ball Coach. Tonight, I drink in your honor.

Man

Washington’s Alex Ovechkin stirred a mild controversy when he slung ice all over a young boy that was part of Montreal’s pregame ceremonies on Wednesday night. Americans and Canadians alike flipped out when they saw the video. What neither know is that much like saying “If he dies, he dies,” slinging ice all over small children is a traditional sign of respect in Russia.

In a curious move, Lou Piniella moved former Cubs ace, Carlos Zambrano, to the bullpen this week where he has now become an $18 million set-up man. This is kind of like paying Brooklyn Decker millions of dollars to live with you, and then forcing her to sleep on the other side of the house.

Don't worry, Brooklyn. I set up the guest room for you.

AND NOW…(drum roll)

WHY I HAVE WRITER’S BLOCK: The Never-Ending Saga

In no specific order, and with no real explanation, this is my weekly look at some of the things that kept me distracted while I was trying to write.

FINALS: In a perfect world, college would just be one long social event.

Somebody has to make the NBA entertaining.

Sorry to admit, there’s no time for  Tweet of the Week. I have to get to Tampa.

Happy Draft Weekend.

-Bryan

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