Beadleisms

 

Michelle Beadle: Ready to take out all challengers.

You know how hot blondes have a tendency to break up two buddies that are destined for greatness? That hasn’t happened to Sports Casualties. 

Yet.

If “SportsNation’s” co-host ever responds to our Tweets – i.e. requites our unrequited love – all bets are off. Beadle, I just want you to know that I think about you from 4 to 5 p.m. every weekday and from 5 to 6 on Saturdays. 

Like Tebowisms, Heywardisms, Longoriaisms and Strasburgisms. Except better. Much, much, much better.

  • Michelle Beadle was once engaged to a world-class professional bull rider, or as Michelle Beadle liked to call him, “a pansy.” 
  • Michelle Beadle is born in the fall of 1975. Months later, Biff Tannen travels back to the future to warn model Farrah Fawcett that she better do the poster shoot now, before it’s too late. 
  • While watching “Top Chef” reruns on Bravo one sleepy afternoon, the cast of “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” accidentally flipped over to ESPN 2’s “SportsNation,” at which point they felt something they’d never felt before.
  • Known simply as “Beadle” to her guy friends, Michelle isn’t known as anything to her girlfriends. Because she doesn’t have any.
  • Michelle Beadle turns 40 on Oct. 23, 2015, or 1997 days from today. That sound that cougars are hearing? Footsteps.
  • ESPN’s Sports Guy Bill Simmons has repeatedly referred to Beadle as the World Wide Leader’s No. 1 draft pick, meaning the company would choose to keep her over any other employee. Testing his theory, financial news network CNBC made ESPN “an offer it couldn’t refuse”: the rights to Michelle Caruso Cabrera, Trish Regan, Erin Burnett and Melissa Francis for Beadle. Upon hearing the proposal, Disney CEO Robert Iger broke into fits of laughter.
  • Charming and down to earth, Beadle is known on “SportsNation” for a goofily charismatic presence that is infectious to the point that a TV viewer once said, “That Colin Cowherd, he’s not so bad.”
  • In mid-1960, four lads from Liverpool convened for a trial run of what would 50 years later become known simply as “Beadle Mania.” 
  • “Winners Bracket” co-host Marcellus Wiley has always lived life by one overriding principle: dark wine, dark meat, dark women. For Michelle Beadle, he would make an exception.
  • Before joining ESPN, Beadle had a myriad of television jobs, including a role as a pre and post game reporter for the New Jersey Nets. It was during this time that New Jersey Nets fans existed.
  • Michelle Beadle once made Vince Carter try.
  • Some time ago, Michelle Beadle told sports blog The Big Lead of the Bristol life, “It takes a lot of getting use to… and you can’t date anyone you work with.” Catching word of the interview, ESPN employees Sean Salisbury and Steve Phillips both thought to themselves, “I’m going out with a bang.”

Does Michelle Beadle think Michelle Beadle is awesome?

Suggestions welcomed. Any and all will be added.

– Robbie

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Beadleisms

  1. topherdubay

    Haha. Awesome blog. Check me out when you get the chance, fellas.

    http://sportshangover.com/

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