Jobs and Hometowns: An Unfocused Look at the Past Week in the World

Just another day at the office.

 I’m here on time. Surprise! To read Robbie Hilson’s far more insightful take on the week, click here. I’ve already deducted 50 percent for its introductory fact error. 

Well it has happened, Casualtists. I have found summer employment, and by summer employment I of course mean that I have found somebody that is willing to let me work a 40-hour week for free. I mean, of course I’m not working for free. I’m getting paid in valuable college credit hours which will one day get me a diploma that will allow me to work somewhere for slightly more than free. 

As Robbie already mentioned, I am interning at WTSP, the local Tampa/St. Petersburg CBS affiliate, this summer. No. 1 in ratings at 5 A.M., 12 P.M. and 11 P.M. Get some, Channel 28. I did fail to inform Robbie that I do not work Fridays, so my contribution to the two-part Week in Review series is in no jeopardy at all. 

I’m planning an occasional series documenting my internship, so I’ll stay away from too many details here. I will however note that Thursday night was the first time that they have allowed me to write scripts and put together video that actually ended up on air at 11. This led to a very professional anchor using the word “sexting” in her introduction. Sorry, Heather. 

Pushin' the whip.

Busy weeks will also mean that I will be canceling my previously held stance of not writing on weekends. I have to make up for missed time somewhere. No more two day reading breaks for you. 

Moving from one job with no monetary reward to another. Let’s do this. 

The Boston Celtics continued their “I told you so” war against Bill Simmons on Tuesday night when they defeated the Orlando Magic to take a 2-0 lead in the Eastern Conference Finals. 

Now I have tried to remain the lone supporter of Vince Carter here at Sports Casualties, but c’mon, Vince. You missed two huge free throws. Beyond huge. When I was 12, you crushed the little bit of a NBA soul that I had and tested my support after missing the game-winning shot against the 76ers in Game 7. I felt almost the same way Tuesday night. 

I despise Boston sports teams, and you’re not helping me out any here. 

In wrasslin’ news, 57-year-old Macho Man Randy Savage got married this week to a woman named Lynn. It’s really nice to see that he’s gotten over Miss Elizabeth. 

The fairy tale wedding.

 Just hours after weathering Floyd Landis’ accusation-laden tantrum, Lance Armstrong looked like he was involved in a steel cage match after crashing during a race in California on Thursday. Armstrong walked away from the crash with a swollen eye and a bloody cheek. Perhaps a sign of foreshadowing for what Landis will look like after the next meeting between the two. 

Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez was benched by manager Fredi Gonzalez on Monday night after lazily attempting to field a blooper that eventually cleared the bases after he kicked the ball into foul territory. Some say Ramirez showed a lack of heart, I personally respect his enthusiasm for the upcoming World Cup. USA! USA! USA! 

As for Fredi Gonzalez, while I can respect his discipline, he is kind of in a no-win situation fighting with a guy that the Marlins have $7 million invested in this season. In case you’re wondering, Fredi is pulling in a little over $600k. And oh yeah, this is the team that once fired Joe Girardi. 

Sticking with baseball, the league-leading Rays head to Houston tonight for a three game set with the Astros. The interleague trip marks a return home for Rays’ outfielder Carl Crawford, a Houston native. The always eager to offer terrible interviews left fielder will surely have plenty of demands this weekend. Here is a transcript of how each one will go: 

Reporter: So Carl, what is it like to be back home? 

Crawford: Good. 

Reporter: What’d you think of the game tonight? 

Crawford: Fun. 

Reporter: What was it like having your family and friends in attendance tonight? 

Crawford: Baseball. 

[Reporter has a mental breakdown and eats his tape recorder.] 

Big on speed, not on charisma.

Be easy on him next year, New York media. I’m begging you. 

If you ever wanted to know anything about “road beef,” the athlete term for team groupies in away cities, Dwayne Bowe is more than willing to share. The receiver happily told ESPN The Magazine about the Chiefs’ process of “importing” women from all over to their hotels for what is probably nothing more than hand-holding and intelligent conversation. 

The resources that they use for this process are social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook. If the Chiefs are stooping to the level of middle school desperation, one can only assume that the Rams have signed up for E-Harmony. 

A professor at the United States Naval Academy wrote a New York Times editorial this week blaming Division I sports for a downfall in the service academies. He complained that people don’t even care about the quality of a Naval Academy education anymore, they just want to beat Notre Dame. 

Damn kids and their football.

The professor’s name is Bruce Fleming. You may recognize him as the guy that called the cops on your last party, deflated your football when you were a young child or protested outside of the Super Bowl. 

And now, before I head into the weekly regulars, I leave you with a reason why the San Jose Sharks should be your favorite team in the NHL playoffs right now. Without further ado, daughter of Sharks GM Doug Wilson, Miss Massachusetts, Lacey Wilson. 


AND NOW…(drum roll)  

WHY I HAVE WRITER’S BLOCK: The Never-Ending Saga  

In no specific order, and with no real explanation, this is my weekly look at some of the things that kept me distracted while I was trying to write.  


Santa Claus is actually Karl Malone. Who knew?!?! 

Okay, so I contributed nothing to this story, but I was there. Does that count for anything? 

Tweet of the Week  

Because too much television makes you fat and undesirable, but too much Twitter just makes you unproductive and socially awkward. Follow SC on Twitter, the awesomeness of your life depends on it.  

This week I discovered the Twitter page of one Mickey Rourke. This left me wondering why it took me so damn long to find it. How great is Rourke’s Twitter account? Great enough that I momentarily considered renaming this segment after him. Thank you, sir. I not only enjoy your movies, but also your way with 140-character hilarity. 

@Mickey_Rourke Some person named Spencer Pratt just sent over a bottle of champagne. I sent it back. Through the air. At his face. 

Ram freaking jam. 

Happy NASCAR All-Star weekend. 


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