CNBC Fab 5 Pics: B.S. Edition

Nice close today. The Nasdaq finished up about a percentage point and the other averages broke even. I feel like we’re moving up if the S&P cracks 1104 tomorrow.

Let’s talk “over promise, under deliver,” Joseph R. Biden’s favorite political strategy. Here’s how it works.

You’re getting grilled by a bunch of angry environmentalist, and instead of taking your lumps, decide to redirect the conversation toward Friday’s jobs report. It’s gonna be gangbusters, you say. People cheer. The markets rebound from a crap Tuesday. You pat yourself on the back as oil continues to gush into the Gulf. Promise made.

Now to the delivery part, the actual jobs number. It’s gonna be an eyepopper, Casualtists. It’s gonna show unemployment under 10 percent. You’re gonna feel like marching down to Wal Mart and landing a job on the spot. The recovery is in full swing and you’re hitting up the mall this weekend to celebrate.

Not so fast.

The thing about tomorrow’s number is that – whether good or bad – it will, without question, be enormously inflated by temporary Census jobs and (irony of ironies) oil cleanup work. So, yeah, we’ll break 10 percent in the short term. But my next door neighbor just lost his job knocking on people’s doors. See how it works? Keep an eye on the private sector number. We’re shooting for 150K.

And while we’re on the topic of oil, I should note that we have a big buying op on our hands for those with a strong stomach. The BP disaster continues to steamroll drilling stocks and energy companies in general, but should you look at this situation logically, you’ll come to the conclusion that A) a massive oil spill is bullish for oil prices in the long run and B) the clamped down laws won’t effect shallow-water drillers.

Oh, and this country’s “green initiative” is a bunch of hot air (zing!). Much like average global temperatures, oil is going up. Mark it down.

Two more quick examples of over promise, under deliver. My internet router was supposed to come four days ago. This three hour late post brought to you in part by shattered expectations.

And don’t ask me, Outback Steakhouse waitress, how I want my steak cooked. I know you’re a hack-rate institution. I’m prepared for tartar when I say “medium rare.” I’ll eat it anyway. So you can skip the part where you set yourself up for failure. Just bring whatever. Save us both time.

Now to people who never disappoint – Amanda Drury (the Bond Girl), Trish Regan (the lights-in-her-head brunette), Michelle Caruso-Cabrera (the endowed brunette) and Erin Burnett (the perky brunette). This is your CNBC week in review. Enjoy.

Happy trading.

– Robbie

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