“Architectural Marvel” and Other Google Trends: The Week in Review, Redux

Paradise.

The day of the week with the most potential? Not if I have anything to say about it… Bryan is already here.

Great news. Everything is more expensive in Miami. Everything. Gas (buying solely from BP now to counteract inflation), haircut ($20 from Feliciana at Super Cuts), hipster jeans (that’s the “sales rack”?), beer ($1 Coronas, $3.75 limes), parking meters (cash only) and air (three days, eight total breaths).

It’s not like I didn’t know this, and so I’ve kept costs down the best way I know how: by doing nothing. I would blame this on my lame-ass best friends – one’s taking a real estate crash course, one’s laying diplomatic groundwork in South Africa – but they’re actually both decidedly non-lame. I’ll let it slide. Plus, it’s not like I have a lot to complain about given this kind of daily schedule:

8 a.m. – Think about waking up/decide against it.

11 a.m. – Typical breakfast… with mango.

1-7 p.m. – Poolside blogging, girl watching, coffee shop blogging, lunch… with mango, poolside doing nothing, planning thesis (in head).

I also stumbled upon something today that I stumble upon every day, because I live two blocks away: the renovated University of Miami baseball stadium. A few things you should know about said venue…

1) It use to be an eyesore on par with the equally ugly sorority row houses it neighbors.

2) Cheater/non-UM alum Alex Rodriguez donated $3.9 million to get his name pasted on the outside. The money was quite unexpectedly put to good use… One can only assume that U President Donna Shalala was circumvented in the process.

A match made in… a tanning salon.

3) It’s home to a traditional power that’s won four national championships and would very much like to display the extent of such prestige to street-level passers-by… in theory.

Now do me a favor. As you look over this SC Exclusive “photo essay” of Alex Rodriguez Park at Mark Light Stadium, I’d like you to pay specific attention to point no. 3 and see if you can detect anything wrong with this, uh, picture…

Front entrance, from street level

Thanks, Alex. Well done.

Championship lettering from side view… Clean and attractive

Championship close-up.

Now let’s pull back a bit…

Hmm… Where did the titles go…?

And a bit further…

(*shaking head*)

And a bit futher…

You CANNOT be serious.

So I guess my question to you, Captain Common Sense, is this: who the f*ck decided it was a good idea to plant the trees RIGHT IN FRONT of the national championship signs?

This is a total embarrassment, and yet 1oo percent on par with the Orange Bowl’s (RIP) inconspicuous title signs and tucked-away 58-game home winning streak poster (trust me, it was there).

Come on, guys. If you ran your own hot dog stand, would you hang the “World’s Best Hot Dogs” banner in the back of the kitchen above the starter light?

Any chance of showing off our past with competence, you know, instead of turning our baseball stadium into a big red flag to parents considering sending their children to the UM College of Architecture?

Deep, angry breath…

___________

Let’s play Pros/Cons

Pro: The Indiana Pacers proved Thursday they’ve learned a valuable lesson – namely, white guys don’t win championships. Way to pass on Cole Aldrich, Larry Bird. I know that took incredible restraint.

White people.

Con: Even Jay Bilas hates the NBA Draft.

Pro: After a series of draft week salary dumps, the Miami Heat now have more cap room than God and the Knicks combined.

Con: LeBron/Wade/Bosh… or Wade/Lee/Gay?

Pro: Traffic in Miami made far more palatable by wealth of beautiful women in convertibles.

Con: You thought the MetroRail would get you to the airport? What do you think this is, New York, Boston, D.C., San Francisco, Chicago or any other major American city?

Pro: Two dudes at Wimbledon played the longest match in tennis history: 3 days, 11 hours, 1 Frenchman disproving every negative ethnic stereotype relating to quitting, laziness, and ability to extend a battle overnight.

Con: You didn’t seriously think I’d wake up at 7 to catch the ending.

Last Friday, the President of the Free World was in attendance to see Barack Obama at Nationals Stadium… Or was it Obama in attendance to see Strasburg? Bottom line: both were in the building at the same time.

Also on Friday, three generations of Boston greats convened in Fenway Park, as the Dodgers’ Manny Ramirez returned home to David Ortiz and the Red Sox with Roger Clemens looking on from atop the Green Monster.

No truth to the rumor the gathering was part of Stanozolol Giveaway Night.

On Sunday, when asked how the galleries were responding to Tiger Woods, ESPN’s Rick Reilly said, “People at Pebble would cheer Osama Bin Laden if he birdied.”

This is true – Rick Reilly, who I stopped reading in fifth grade out of maturity, actually made this comparison on live TV. Ironically, I would very much like to see Reilly spend the rest of his life in a cave in Pakistan.

Phelps with rodeo clown.

Over the weekend in Alabama, President Obama promised people of the Gulf Coast the government would leave communities affected by the spill better off than it found them… though, it’s still unclear whether the president will lift the drilling moratorium so half the population can go back to work.

“News” broke this week that Rays pitcher Wade Davis hit teammate David Price in the groin with a change-up during a game of catch. This comes after Tampa Bay was kicked in the balls by the Braves and Marlins.

In an unsurprising turn of events, the French soccer team walked out on their coach during practice days after star striker Nicolas Anelka was sent packing for insubordination. Sure France isn’t putting up much of a fight, but hey, at least this time there aren’t armed Germans on the other side.

On Monday, world no. 60 Alejandro Falla pushed six-time Wimbledon champ Roger Federer to five sets in the tournament’s opening center court match. Falla, a relative unknown, was actually two sets up on Federer before completely collapsing, or as it’s been known since Sunday, “Channeling his inner Dustin.”

On Thursday, the Washington Wizards selected Kentucky guard John Wall with the no. 1 overall pick in the NBA draft. I like this move a lot, though some insist the Wiz already have enough firepower at the point.

On Tuesday, conservative commentators jumped on President Obama for spending his weekend on the golf course.

Chillin.

Look, the guy’s fighting multiple wars, trying to cleanup a disaster in the Gulf, struggling to pass immigration reform, squabbling with top military brass, hanging out with Paul McCartney, attending Nats games, trying to keep up relations in Chicago, and vacationing in the North Carolina mountains with his family.

THE MAN NEEDS A BREAK, ALRIGHT! Lay off, you Palin-loving, right-wing fanatics. These are exactly the kind of things your last president was doing.

No, I’m kidding. Bush wasn’t a Beatles fan.

A Rolling Stone article profiling Gen. Stanley McChrystal and the war effort in Afghanistan hit newsstands today. Though the chief counterinsurgency strategist burnt many a political bridge by roundly offending just about every member of the president’s administration, McChrystal did endear himself to Bryan Holt, who said afterward, “He had me at Bud Light Lime.”

On Wednesday, President Obama relieved the general of his duties. The meeting went something like this…

President Obama: (*uproarious laughter*) Bud Light Lime? BUD LIGHT LIME!? (*more laughter*)

Gen. McChrystal: (*hides head in shame*)

President Obama: (*still laughing*) Sorry, we’re all out. Can I get you a chardonnay?

Gen. McChrystal: (*stands up, turns toward door*)

President Obama: Rahm, bring the good man a mango vodka spritzer, would you?

Gen. McChrystal: (*walks out of Oval Office*)

President Obama: BUD LIGHT LIME! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

No soup for you.

The magazine piece came about when a young, freelance journalist for Rolling Stone convinced the general and his band (of officers) to let him tag along on cross-country travels. A part of me suspects this is all an elaborate Cameron Crowe set piece for the sequel to “Almost Famous.”

The city of Gary, Indiana on Tuesday announced that it would hold a vigil for native son Michael Jackson in a ceremony that can only be described as “timely.”

Here’s your buzzer beater.

America: great at celebrating AND soccer.

– Robbie

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4 Comments

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4 responses to ““Architectural Marvel” and Other Google Trends: The Week in Review, Redux

  1. Kyle

    Man, Wade/Lee/Gay is going to turn up some interesting search results.

  2. qbytheU

    I think that last bar scene must have been a group attending an undertaker convention. How about the one dude that was afraid to lift him arms.

    KJ2MIA

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