Dig the double meaning in “bounce.” Just kidding. Talking purely stocks.
I don’t know about you, Casualtists, but being constantly bombarded with images of dead birds and sludge spurting out of a giant hole in the ocean doesn’t make me want to go out and stimulate this American economy of ours. Something about fudge-like waves tearing into our sandy beaches makes me a little queasy inside. When I catch Anderson Cooper chatting up some poor shlub who can’t get his oyster boat off the dock, I think to myself, “Wow. I have it pretty good right now. And damn, I’m too depressed to buy anything.” Plus, I’m always somewhat turned off when I see headlines like “Could Dow Hit 1,000 in 2016?”
Thanks, Yahoo! Finance!
And really, until you stop running BS panic blurbs on your home page, I can’t take you seriously as a legitimate news entity. Silver lining, though: if the Dow does hit 1,000, your crap company probably gets swallowed for good by Microsoft or Google. Am I right, Carol Bartz?
Joe Investor (read: Robbie Hilson) isn’t feeling so bullish at the moment – there’s this Gulf clusterf*ck, a surge in jobless benefits claims, crappy retail numbers, and on and on. Our Wall Street friends, on the other hand, are built for this kind of stuff: small hearts, strong stomachs, balls of steel. Honestly, these guys are my heroes and fully responsible for the gangbusters week I’m currently having. The DOW’s reclaimed 10,000 despite a lackluster Thursday (we’re hovering around 10,400 as of 2:30) and the S&P bounced three times in the last 7 days off that mystical 1040 number, below which everyone agrees is the point of no return (i.e. Start selling your family heirlooms at Cash4Gold).
Here’s a little piece of advice from “Fast Money’s” Guy Adami I’d like to pass on: if you’re buying a stock for its dividend, you shouldn’t be buying the stock in the first place (unless it’s Annaly Capital Management – that thing is a monster). Case in point: BP announced earlier in the week, under heavy Congressional fire, that they’re more or less shifting that $3.36 per share kickback to a $20 billion escrow account. They’re also setting up for a $10 billion debt offering early next week.
So I say to you, President Obama: Way to shake those nasty capitalists down. Guessing this isn’t gonna help your rep as bed buddy of big government. But hey, better than being the lapdog of Big Oil… Ahem, Mr. Bush.
By the way, these BP hearings are far less entertaining than the Goldman hearings a month ago. BP CEO Tony Hayward has, by all accounts, the charisma of a paint bucket. Where’s Lloyd Blankfein when you need him?
And finally, Rep. Bart Stupak, I think you’re an OK dude, but dammit – for the sake of your soul – I hope you drive a hybrid and heat your home with solar panels.
We’re the enablers, Casualtists. This is my fault, just as much as it is my government’s fault, just as much as it is BP’s fault. Speaking of enablers, here are the people that enable me to get up before 11 o’clock: Mandy Drury (the Bond Girl), Trish Regan (the smokin’ brunette), Erin Burnett (the spunky brunette), and Michelle Caruso-Cabrera (the smokin’, spunky, endowed brunette). It’s Thursday. This is your CNBC week in review. Click on the thumbnails. Enjoy.
Babes and stocks. Stocks and babes. It’s Thursday, Casualtists.
I’m not exactly sure how copy machines relate to oil spills, but Xerox CEO Ursula Burns was one in the long line of fossil fuel-damning bigwigs driving a stake into the heart of the energy sector today. I hope you use recycled paper in those printers, Ursula.
Luckily, despite resistance from manic short sellers, angry politicians, the president of the United States and Joe Terranova, the major oil stocks are up across the board Thursday. I say “luckily” not because I hate brown-beaked pelicans or have a vendetta against the New Orleans fishing industry (R.I.P), but because BP’s Lehman-style nosedive into the abyss of bankruptcy rumors and 19% single-day declines was inciting the kind of market panic that gets babies thrown out with bath water.
BP hit 29.00 yesterday, people. Twenty-nine. In this case, my use of heavy italics is fully justified – the same stock was at 39 last Friday and hovering around 60 the day that fateful rig burst into a ball of fire some 52 days ago. And seriously, I’m going to throw something next time I hear another “puts drilling calls” joke. Grow up.
Check this out.
OK. Important notes:
1) The top chart is BP, the bottom Lehman.
2) The two companies are nothing alike, so stop talking about “forced liquidation,” Wednesday’s “Fast Money” Prop Desk. You’re being irresponsible. Last time I checked, BP is not an over-leveraged hedge fund. Their safety controls suck… And they’re one of the world’s most profitable companies. Every. Single. Year.
3) Current estimates suggest it will cost BP about $1 billion to clean up the entirety of the Gulf oil spill.
4) BP’s turned a $5 billion after-tax profit since the rig exploded.
5) Even if our crazy-ass Congress lifts all existing liability regulations and says, “Have at ’em, Litigious America!” the lawsuits are still gonna take a short lifetime to get through the courts.
6) Exxon Mobil bottomed out at $10.44 on April 11, 1989 after its oil tanker carrying 54 million gallons pulled a mini-Titanic off the coast of Alaska. Exxon flirted with $100 a few years back… after 2 splits.
5) Am I just bitter because I have a small position in Transocean, another money-coining cash cow that’s been taken to the woodshed each of the last 6 weeks? Quite possibly.
6) Would I buy BP at these levels? Come on… Hell no.
But enough about a space that’s falling apart faster than the Big 12. Let’s enjoy this up day (DJIA: ^207, S&P ^22.2 as of 2:00 p.m.) and the fact that, despite all the recent bad news, the S&P still hasn’t broken 1040 to the downside. This is swell.
Plus, China continues to destroy export estimates. Nice job, Commies. You have our capitalist global economy by the balls. Please keep us afloat.
Now let’s end on a high. My theory that anchor hotness negatively correlates with DOW performance hit a major snag today. The only person having a better morning than the market is portfolio goddess Amanda Drury (the Bond Girl). Trish Regan (the big-haired brunette), Erin Burnett (the perky brunette) and Michelle Caruso-Cabrera (the I’ll-know-her-when-I-see-her brunette) are all nearing 52-week highs as well. And you thought gold was the only thing looking top-heavy at these levels…
Melissa Francis is still off raising her kid. Kudlow got contacts. He looks like a prune. This is your CNBC Week in Review. Click on the thumbnails. Enjoy.
Nice close today. The Nasdaq finished up about a percentage point and the other averages broke even. I feel like we’re moving up if the S&P cracks 1104 tomorrow.
Let’s talk “over promise, under deliver,” Joseph R. Biden’s favorite political strategy. Here’s how it works.
You’re getting grilled by a bunch of angry environmentalist, and instead of taking your lumps, decide to redirect the conversation toward Friday’s jobs report. It’s gonna be gangbusters, you say. People cheer. The markets rebound from a crap Tuesday. You pat yourself on the back as oil continues to gush into the Gulf. Promise made.
Now to the delivery part, the actual jobs number. It’s gonna be an eyepopper, Casualtists. It’s gonna show unemployment under 10 percent. You’re gonna feel like marching down to Wal Mart and landing a job on the spot. The recovery is in full swing and you’re hitting up the mall this weekend to celebrate.
Not so fast.
The thing about tomorrow’s number is that – whether good or bad – it will, without question, be enormously inflated by temporary Census jobs and (irony of ironies) oil cleanup work. So, yeah, we’ll break 10 percent in the short term. But my next door neighbor just lost his job knocking on people’s doors. See how it works? Keep an eye on the private sector number. We’re shooting for 150K.
And while we’re on the topic of oil, I should note that we have a big buying op on our hands for those with a strong stomach. The BP disaster continues to steamroll drilling stocks and energy companies in general, but should you look at this situation logically, you’ll come to the conclusion that A) a massive oil spill is bullish for oil prices in the long run and B) the clamped down laws won’t effect shallow-water drillers.
Oh, and this country’s “green initiative” is a bunch of hot air (zing!). Much like average global temperatures, oil is going up. Mark it down.
Two more quick examples of over promise, under deliver. My internet router was supposed to come four days ago. This three hour late post brought to you in part by shattered expectations.
And don’t ask me, Outback Steakhouse waitress, how I want my steak cooked. I know you’re a hack-rate institution. I’m prepared for tartar when I say “medium rare.” I’ll eat it anyway. So you can skip the part where you set yourself up for failure. Just bring whatever. Save us both time.
Now to people who never disappoint – Amanda Drury (the Bond Girl), Trish Regan (the lights-in-her-head brunette), Michelle Caruso-Cabrera (the endowed brunette) and Erin Burnett (the perky brunette). This is your CNBC week in review. Enjoy.
I wrote this around 12 p.m. on Thursday… All the major indexes finished up about 3 percent. Drinks on me tonight, ladies.
The bulls are back, Casualtists, and not because LeBron signed with Chicago. Indeed, Thursday brought us the news that China was not pulling the rug (and their investments) out from under Europe, but instead that Wednesday’s Reuters report suggesting as much was a load of crap. This wouldn’t have happened had fact-checker extraordinaire Bryan Holt been on the wires, but I digress… One man’s faulty journalism is another man’s 280-point pop in the Dow.
Of course, knowing this market – not that I do – we’ll pull back hard as soon as the real traders go home, volume gets thinner than Steve Liesman’s hair, and the computers lock in profits via feverous short covering (4 p.m. update: Didn’t happen!). Did you know those things are actually called “Search and Destroy” machines? Seriously.
So where do we stand as of May 27? Well, the week is still generally sucking despite the monster rally, and that Trish Regan dressed like Big Bird today isn’t helping. Trish, I love yellow… on Ferraris. The financials are holding up, though, and Goldman in particular seems to be finding its legs around $140. The people who know stuff say that as Goldman goes, so go the rest of the blue chips. Whatever. I say Mark Haines’ body language is probably a better indicator.
I told you about China buying Europe, but I didn’t tell you that Erin Burnett pretty much owned Shanghai all week. She was on assignment interviewing every Asian bigwig this side of The Great Wall… As far as Chinese diplomacy goes, Erin’s way hotter than Richard Nixon. Communism has no chance.
A few more things to keep your eyes on…
1) The Euro continues to bounce off of $1.22. If this stop doesn’t hold, though, look for the Greeks to adopt olives as their new currency.
2) Spain does not have the same massive debt problems as Greece even though they get lumped together. Plus, Greece is to Europe what Rhode Island is to the U.S. (i.e. small potatoes) If the EU had a brain and balls, it would cut ties with Greece altogether, and allow the country’s currency and angular women to float to an area where they can be more competitive.
3) Both the dollar and oil are ON FIYA! Which seems kind of counterintuitive, but works for me. Stay away from BP, though… It’s the new Toyota.
4) The S&P’s built a floor around 1040. Short your dog and your best friend if we ever break to the downside. Mid-9s is the next stop.
5) These lovely ladies: Amanda Drury (the Bond girl), Trish Regan (the brunette), Erin Burnett (the brunette in China), and Michelle Caruso-Cabrera (the endowed brunette). Melissa Francis is still away being a mother… This is your CNBC week in review. Enjoy.
In the interest of full disclosure, this post is designed to drive search engine traffic and fill space. If you come in with low expectations, you could be pleasantly surprised.
Well friends, I come to you with mixed feelings about the week that was. On the one hand, the Braves have won three straight in bottom-of-the-ninth fashion. The latter two came via a 2-out Heyward double and a Brooks Conrad walk-off slam to cap a 7-run comeback, respectively. Atlanta’s back over .500, which means I can start watching baseball again.
On the other hand, the market’s on the brink of a Louganis-style nosedive, and I’m pretty sure that the credit clusterf*** currently swallowing Europe is the same exact thing we were dealing with in the summer of ’08. All the major averages are now down for the year, and the S&P is off a full 12 percent from 2010 highs. Everyone’s talking “correction,” which is basically another way of saying, “Take all the cash you have left and put it under your mattress.”
A lone word of advise, Casualtists: buy bonds… I think our “V”-shaped recovery is about to turn into a “W”.
Of course, there’s a silver lining to every cloud, or in this case, two silver linings: CNBC’s Trish Regan (the brunette) and Mandy Drury (the Bond girl). In case you missed it, here’s a brief, SC-exclusive checkup on two of the best (and most smokin’) anchors in the business. Lucky for you, there’s an inverse correlation between Dow performance and hotness.
This is part one in a two-part installment. You know how “Baseball Tonight” is still “Baseball Tonight” in the middle of the afternoon? Yeah, the “redux” stays. Bryan will get here when he gets here. He’s either shopping for slacks or drinking Jack at a country music festival. I’m leaning toward the latter.
There are some things in life that you just can’t prepare for. Case in point, at the time of writing, I’m in a total frazzle as I wait the next 10 or so hours to see how the entire future of professional basketball plays out. Will LeBron win? Will he lose? Will he stay? Will he go? Is he the next Jordan? Is he the next Malone? Is he as good as I think he is? Does he have the fire? Does he even care?
These are the questions chiseling away at America’s collective sports conscience at 1 p.m. on Thursday afternoon, and I for one have no answers. So instead of chewing off the rest of my already blunt fingertips, I’m going to give LeBron-o’-Mania a rest for a bit and turn to a topic that has become very near and dear to my heart: smokin’ babes… You’ll appreciate both this metaphor and the segueway.
You know how the truly great ones are able to lift the game of their teammates? They have this synergistic quality that makes everyone around them better? Well CNBC’s Wonder from Down Under Mandy Drury has singlehandedly transformed Trish Regan from a borderline all-star into a shoe-in, first ballot Hall of Famer. Before Monday, the day of Drury’s permanent arrival on U.S. shores, we were essentially watching Pippen’s career unfold sans-Jordan. No longer, friends. You are witnessing before your very eyes the rise of a transcendent dynasty, and personal inspiration Larry Kudlow is it’s Jacksonian overseer.
Here’s your Thursday morning proof of greatness and the debut installment in the running series, Fab 5 Pics. As far as I know, this constitutes the first instance in SC’s illustrious history in which we have taken our own photos. So I would like to thank my father, without whose purchase of my flat-screen TV and HD package, none of this would be possible. Enjoy.
Bad day for the market, good day for Erin.
Trish Regan and Amanda Drury with the Luckiest Man in the World.
Come on. Really, Larry? Really?
Now to less important matters…
On Tuesday, phenom outfielder Jason Heyward returned to the Braves lineup after missing a week to a groin injury. The Destroyer proceeded to score six runs in his first two games back against Milwaukee. In a related story, the Braves swept the series and the recently maligned Bobby Cox remembered how to manage.
This week in Free Agent-palooza news, the Miami Heat unveiled a website that gives fans tips on how to sway Dwyane Wade to stay in Miami. I’m of the opinion that this should have gone up years ago, and included something along the lines of…
Go to games.
On Sunday, Tiger Woods withdrew from the Players Championship with a neck injury. Reports state that he hit his final drive a paltry 269 yards. While doctors expect his neck to be okay, they say that his psyche is on life support and are unsure if his pride will ever recover.
I was actually going to live blog last weekend’s “unofficial fifth major,” but being a straight male, I was far too distracted by busty brunettes to keep any focus.
Great rack, Phil.
Look, since Mick lets himself go after every Masters victory, is it too much to ask that the defending champion present him with a Green Jacket AND a sports bra?
In other news, I have absolutely zero idea who won the Players. Though I can tell you it wasn’t Tiger and it wasn’t Phil.
My Adamant Disinterest in the Likes of Lucas Glover and Robert Allenby: exhibit A for why golf is in deep sh*t.
Turning now to new media, the recent rash of superstar bumps and bruises has spurred many a reclusive body part to come out of the woodwork to speak his mind on Twitter. LeBronsElbow, for instance, registered two weeks ago and already has almost 11,000 followers. Though neither HeywardsGroin nor NashsEye has come forward yet, don’t be surprised if BrettFavresIndecisiveNature and GregOdensPenis make a cameo before the end of the summer.
In non sequitur news, are we 100 percent sure that Dana White isn’t the forbidden lovechild of Andre Agassi?
Like son…
…like father?
This week the Obama administration revealed in conjunction with the C.I.A. that the unsuccessful Times Square bomber has ties to the Pakistani Taliban. With the possibility of further racial profiling looming, I urge you, Casualtists, to treat your local Kwik-E-Mart clerk with the utmost respect.
A trailer for “Marmaduke” aired during Sunday’s new episode of “The Simpsons,” and let me tell you, nothing says blockbuster like George Lopez and talking Great Danes.
For fans of canceled late-night shows.
Also on Sunday, Oakland A’s pitcher Dallas Braden threw the 19th perfect game in history against the Rays, this just weeks after a heated verbal spat with Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez. SC’s immediate reaction via Twitter: “SUCK IT, A-ROD!!!!!”
Amid rumors of his imminent demise, Tiger Woods’ swing coach Hank Haney resigned on Monday. The conversation went something like this:
Hank: “You can’t fire me. I quit!”
Tiger: “(*blank stare*)”
I, for one, haven’t seen a preemptive strike like this since President Bush invaded Baghdad.
Over the weekend, Mariners future Hall of Famer Ken Griffey Jr. allegedly slept through an 8th-inning pinch-hitting opportunity… further evidence that it is impossible to stay awake for a four-hour baseball game.
Atlanta Hawks players this week planned to moon fans while spraying them with vinegar-filled Super Soakers. Instead the Hawks just played home games against Orlando.
Good luck on landing that max contract, Joe Johnson.
The Penguins and Canadiens played a game 7 on Tuesday, but NHL commissioner Gary Bettman has asked SC not to comment further for fear that we might draw attention to his sport.
ESPN analysts/noted white people Rick Sutcliffe and Dave O’Brien interviewed rappers Eminem and Jay-Z during the 4th inning of Wednesday’s Yankees-Tigers game. ESPN’s resident hip-hop historian Bill Plaschke was not in attendance.
The state of New York this week floated the idea of default organ donorship for deceased citizens… So this means Tracy McGrady could be playing without a spleen next year?
And, yeah. I know LeBron lost. I’m crushed. Not as crushed as Cleveland. But crushed. Good luck Twenty Three.
As you may or may not know, half of Sports Casualties takes an avid interest in stocks, painstakingly investigates the commodities market, and follows the S&P500’s every move. Here are the five reasons why. (UPDATE: “CNBC Fab 5 Pics” weekly recaps!)
Melissa Francis, “The Empress of Energy”
Drew Barrymore has nothing on this former child star. Exhibit A on why dapper curmudgeon Larry Kudlow has the best job on the planet, “The Call” co-host was destined for top-shelf, Aaron Spelling-type television greatness from the very beginning. She appeared in a Johnson & Johnson shampoo commercial before her first birthday and then went on to bigger and better things – first as “Little House on the Prairie’s” wide-eyed Cassandra Cooper Ingalls and then in cheeseball ’80s shows like “Joe’s World” and “St. Elsewhere.” Rumor is she even inspired uber-babe Elizabeth Banks‘ role in NBC sitcom “30 Rock,” a genius move that probably saved ratings-liability Jeff Zucker’s job.
A star is born
She would be justified in kicking your ass if you ever called her a dumb blonde, but would probably just whip out her Harvard degree to save time. Now in her mid 30s, Melissa’s CNBC cache took off some years ago when Kudlow dubbed her “The Empress of Energy” for successfully predicting America’s ethanol boon. She was also known to flirt with ex-CNBC employee Dylan Ratigan while spelling Maria Bartiromo on “The Closing Bell.” On one memorable occasion, she invited herself over to his house in the Hamptons on live TV. I’ve modeled my behavior after Dylan ever since.
When You Can Find Her: 11 a.m. to 12 noon on “The Call” when she gets back from maternity leave. Also be sure to check TV Land for “Prairie” reruns and MSNBC’s “It’s The Economy” for tag-team spots with fellow babe Contessa Brewer.
Trish Regan, “Miss New Hampshire”
Exhibit B for why dapper curmudgeon Larry Kudlow has the best job on the planet, the blue-eyed brunette and “Call” co co-host looked like a small spaceship for most of ’09, but has since regained her hotness after recently giving birth to twins, Maynard and Keynes Regan (kidding). Trish lived up to her babe-sounding name early on by basing the (perhaps lax) competition to win the ’93 Miss New Hampshire crown. She then took her considerable songstress talents overseas where she studied classical voice in Austria with other hot white people.
Once back in the states, Regan enrolled at hippie bastion Colombia University, good training for her ’09 investigative report, “Marijuana Inc.: Inside America’s Pot Industry.” She then began her post-graduation professional career as an emerging debt markets analysts for Goldman Sachs and married an investment banker shortly after (Look for her at a Congressional hearing near you!). These days, The Reganmeister, 37, is sticking it to former employer CBS with her Emmy-nominated commentary and overall awesomeness. In 2006, the Houston Chronicle proclaimed her “a future star” and one of 10 newswomen to watch. Couldn’t agree more. Bullish on Regan’s prospects.
When You Can Find Her: 11 a.m. to 12 noon on “The Call.”
Michelle Curuso-Cabrera, “The Profile”
What’s there to say about the Latina vixen that hasn’t already been said (by my father)? Perky in more ways than one, the “Power Lunch” linchpin is a perfect foil for UF’s own impossibly smug a-hole Dennis Kneale because, frankly, when Michelle sits at an angle, you’re really not paying attention to Dennis.
In an interview with Rachel Maddow, she said she leaned “very far to the right,” as in, right in SC’s wheelhouse. Michelle has ties to both Tampa – she was a fish-out-of-water (read: smokin’) reporter for WTSP in nearby St. Pete – and Miami, where she produced Emmy-winning programming for Spanish-language Univision, TV’s equivalent of South Beach.
From L to R: Busted, Busting
Fiery and aggressive, she never shies away from a tough question or an opportunity to lean into the camera. She’s in the business of keeping talking heads honest and usually the one to ask questions like, “If the market had gone up 1,000 points, would we still be having this conversation?”
Michelle has an inimitable penchant for both diagnosing the economic zeitgeist and filling out a white sweater. Indeed, she cannot walk the streets of Los Angeles without being mistaken for a Trojan Song Girl. Lucky for her, then, that CNBC ties her to the East Coast, where she goes about fulfilling her day-to-day duties as being the greatest thing that ever happened to Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey.
When You Can Find Her: 12 to 2 p.m. on “Power Lunch” with the matronly Sue Herera, host Tyler Mathisen and aforementioned a-hole Dennis Kneale.
Erin Burnett, “The Street Sweetie”
An omnipresent network star, Erin is the kind of woman you’d take home to your mom and then deploy against your crazy grandpa when he starts talking politics. Her nickname is dead on – sophisticated and subtly smokin’, she’s pretty much the girl next door… in my fantasy neighborhood, at least. The effervescent brunette is so feisty and buoyant that she even makes morning crank Mark Haines palatable. And that Haines has never made an on-air move on her probably speaks more to Burnett’s classiness than Mark’s old age or grouchy demeanor (or wife).
Erin deserves a special SC nod for her participation in collegiate athletics at Williams College in Massachusetts. Her years of cross-training for lacrosse and field hockey pay major dividends when CNBC ships her to the rugged terrains of India, Arabia and North Africa for groundbreaking live coverage. Like Regan, she started her career at Goldman Sachs, but then moved to Bloomberg Media upon realizing she had a conscience. In her spare time, Erin became a vice president at Citigroup and wrote for CNN’s “Moneyline.” Still only 33, she’s been heralded as “Maria 2.0” by people that have obviously never seen Maria Bartiromo stand up.
On a personal note, she’s always been a huge favorite of mine, and pretty much the reason that I started investing. Burnett’s never met a witty question she didn’t like to stick to some unsuspecting CEO and Joe Terranova almost drowned in a puddle of drool when she guest-hosted “Fast Money.” That’s my kind’a lady.
When You Can Find Her: 9 to 11 a.m. on “Squawk on the Street” and 2 to 3 p.m. as anchor of “Street Signs.”
Amanda Drury, “The ‘Holy Sh**, You Can’t Be Serious’”
Remember how the bad guys in the first Indiana Jones movie melted when they looked directly at the Ark? Meet Mandy Drury, the exotic beauty from Down Under that has not so occasionally been confused for a Connery-era Bond girl. The impl transplant from Sydney possesses the sort of jaw-drop appeal that reduces red-blooded males to stuttering masses of ogle. So you can’t blame the likes of Robert Reich for looking like a total fool every time he goes mano-a-mano with a Drury-flanked Kudlow. Advantage: anchor with goddess in tow.
Larry Kudlow, personal hero
Mandy’s only been in financial journalism for 10 years, but has already conquered the entire Asian Pacific with her knee-buckling accent and hosting roles on international incarnations of “Squawk Box” and “Cash Flow.” She holds bachelor’s degrees from Melbourne University in fine arts, Japanese and French, but has never actually spoken French in public for fear of halting local commerce. Startlingly, Drury actually began her career as a radio personality in Sydney, and still holds the distinction of being the only person more underutilized than UM’s Devin Hester.
And as per the timing of this post, know that Monday, May 10 is destined to go down in history as a watershed 24 hours for both cable TV and America in general. It was on this day that I may or may not have performed a series of one-handed cartwheels through the halls of my apartment in celebration of CNBC’s announcement that Drury is now a full-time U.S. anchor (though I do question the timing given the country’s dire economic circumstances – Mandy is to productivity what rate hikes are to the Nasdaq). My summer grades have no chance.
Where You Can Find Her: 11 to 12 noon on “The Call” for now, but I’m sure she’ll have her own show by year end.
Sports Casualties 
